doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Watching her eat just hurts me
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
