Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
