Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
