i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize