The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
