my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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