end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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