Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I am spending my child support on dildos
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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