He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
nutella sex= disaster
my shit smells like andre
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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