Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
