and you said cock pushups were impossible
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize