I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
