dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
