I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
