I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
