If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
