worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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