You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
