So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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