No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
