I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
