I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
