I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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