I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
