I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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