Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
