i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
