i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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