someone owes me an orgasm
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
