And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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