but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
