Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
