I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
