I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i barfeds in our rink
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
