never play flip cup with pint glasses
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize