I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
