i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
