He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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