Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
