Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
