i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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