I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
