I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
