Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My penis needs a shock collar
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
