Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
