i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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