no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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