I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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