the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
