dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize