Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
