fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I will pee on everything he values.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
