True but thats because hes a fetus.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
