R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
