cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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