get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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