Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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