They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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