what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
