What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
