Heybabeimwearingurpanties
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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