Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
