I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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