I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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