i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
