Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
