God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My brain says no but my pants say off.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
