cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
