I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
