I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
