I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
