I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
