the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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