If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
