I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize