Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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