my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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