Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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