and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
