On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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