JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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