you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
