i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
