My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize