He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
