He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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