so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
