So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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