I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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