I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
