having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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