he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
