she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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