He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
