he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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