He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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