Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
