I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
