why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
