You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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